I'll adopt a face of smiling through the violence that we once called beautiful
We painted it so many colours that helped brighten the room
We changed with it for better and for worse
I'll take the latter if you can find peace
Petrified by the tolerance you had of this situation
This disaster that left me more in love then I've ever been
I've tried to cover myself the same way
But these masks
They eventually break and the sadness shows through
Like it did with you
I was happy
Were you alone
Did you feel like this
When you slept in our bed was it that familiar silence that spoke to me in the next room praying to a god I don't believe in that you were at peace and you felt complete
Often I hoped that when I didn't it's cause I gave you the missing piece that you needed
A sense of belonging
That life you dreamed of leading
5 years in the making
5 years of trying to better yourself
And I was just another pit stop on that journey or something of the sort
At least that's what I try to convince myself
You told me to hate you but I can't cause you did more for me then you'll ever believe
And self harm is an over evaluation of the situation
But self medication isn't strong enough to help redirect the feelings of hatred
Rationalizations of believing others are in pain is an indirect call out for help
Whether it's pulling that needle out or pushing down the trigger
And this sleep has an unfamiliar silence that sickens my core
Now only regret sleeps next to me with the door slightly open
I'm still listening at night hoping she needs me the way you did
When I wasn't there
I was to busy with selfish antics
When I told you I loved you when you were drunk and you hated yourself
I hope I took that away
I beg of you don't ever change
When I told you I loved you when you were drunk and you hated yourself
I hope I took that away
But I know you'll change
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