1. |
I Hope You Miss Me
01:33
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Cauterizing wounds is not the same as fixing them
But when the fire burns away and all that's left is hot ashes the safest bet is to hold it until it doesn't hurt anymore
It's still pain
But pain by anything you call love
It's a facade that I'll hold till my hands become numb
The pain always returns but by now it's too late
I'd like to state my name and tell the room that I'm an addict
But everyone has there stories and you don't want to relate because it proves that your emotions are fake
Throughout sickness I held you till you could walk on your own
But that won't ever mean I should be assuming you'll give me even more back
But I'm starving for an escape
Darling please help me change
I'll be anything you want just feed me lies
Let's make amends and I'll hold your hands so you can't cross your fingers
How can you not be happy
I'll still ask you if your happy
When all is said and done the space i let you occupy still ended up empty
Just a couple nails from where we hung paintings
I tried looking into your eyes to find acceptance but all I found was acceptance of the fact that you can't fix anything when your broken
Somethings just can't be narrated into word play
Some parts of life are just to hard to hold
Some pieces just don't fit together
Doesn't mean I won't try to cut myself into a shape that fits with you
Doesn't mean that when all is said and done you won't still be alone
But I hope I am when you call
And with the knowledge that you'll never read this
I still hope you do
Because I love you
I love everything about you
Especially the parts that made you leave
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2. |
But I Hope You're Happy
02:36
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I'll adopt a face of smiling through the violence that we once called beautiful
We painted it so many colours that helped brighten the room
We changed with it for better and for worse
I'll take the latter if you can find peace
Petrified by the tolerance you had of this situation
This disaster that left me more in love then I've ever been
I've tried to cover myself the same way
But these masks
They eventually break and the sadness shows through
Like it did with you
I was happy
Were you alone
Did you feel like this
When you slept in our bed was it that familiar silence that spoke to me in the next room praying to a god I don't believe in that you were at peace and you felt complete
Often I hoped that when I didn't it's cause I gave you the missing piece that you needed
A sense of belonging
That life you dreamed of leading
5 years in the making
5 years of trying to better yourself
And I was just another pit stop on that journey or something of the sort
At least that's what I try to convince myself
You told me to hate you but I can't cause you did more for me then you'll ever believe
And self harm is an over evaluation of the situation
But self medication isn't strong enough to help redirect the feelings of hatred
Rationalizations of believing others are in pain is an indirect call out for help
Whether it's pulling that needle out or pushing down the trigger
And this sleep has an unfamiliar silence that sickens my core
Now only regret sleeps next to me with the door slightly open
I'm still listening at night hoping she needs me the way you did
When I wasn't there
I was to busy with selfish antics
When I told you I loved you when you were drunk and you hated yourself
I hope I took that away
I beg of you don't ever change
When I told you I loved you when you were drunk and you hated yourself
I hope I took that away
But I know you'll change
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3. |
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She called herself something along the lines of beautiful and made excuses to why she thought she wasn't worth it
A half cut smile from the side of the bar looking into a sea of people for somebody
Not for the promises of sex but for beverages and exchanges of quick and meaningless conversation to help forget and distract herself from the negative thoughts that clouded her mind at night
and the hope that maybe this someone would stay till morning
--
A polite formality to most but she just placed the blame upon her looks
And based her self worth on the fact that they would leave her naked and alone lying there abandoned once
more
Maybe it was the length of her dress or just maybe it was the fact that these men found they needed a release from there own demons inside of her
Because we all just need a release from ourselves
And I remember the morning that I stayed through the night and that my life was somehow not what she needed at that time
That walk back home wondering to myself maybe she was the replacement for the one that I left behind
One that I could hold tight and whisper in her ear that one day things were going to be all right
I hate that I have these thoughts and these hopes that someone will come in and save me from myself
forcing people into fake rolls that I so easily substitute for anyone else
Because I didn't even know her name
But I knew the way she felt
And that I too
Was replaceable
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